META Meta Platforms Inc

By Joanna Stern 

Michael Haber had been at his cousin Jasmine's house for nearly two hours -- chatting, playing with her children -- when she brought out a fluffy chocolate sponge cake with a whipped-cream filling. "What is this for?" asked Mr. Haber, 26, a web designer in Beirut, Lebanon.

Jasmine explained that it was for her. It was her birthday.

"It was pretty awkward. But how would I have known?" said Mr. Haber. "I quit Facebook."

Amid data privacy scandals, security breaches and the spread of misinformation, many Facebook users have opted to stop using the social network. In its past two quarters, Facebook has reported user growth in Asia and other parts of the world, but growth has stalled in the U.S. and Canada, and active users have declined in Europe.

Twenty-six percent of American users deleted the app from their phone in the 12 months ended in June, while 42% took a break from checking the service for a period of several weeks or more, according to a 2018 report from the Pew Research Center.

The result? A whole lotta forgotten birthdays.

Since the early days of the service, Facebook has presented daily reminders of friends' birthdays, encouraging you to post wishes on their timelines (once known as walls). It became the internet's de facto birthday keeper. In its heyday, you could receive hundreds of birthday posts, most with an oh-so-original "Happy B-Day!" Facebook quitters -- and their loved ones -- now know the sound of silence.

Kaveri Chandrashekar, 30, a writer in Mumbai, estimates she used to receive 75 birthday wishes on Facebook. She deactivated her account in June 2017 because of privacy concerns. When her latest birthday rolled around, she received a fraction of the well-wishes, via texts and phone calls. Many arrived later at night because friends and family hadn't remembered until later in the day.

Ms. Chandrashekar found herself in a real "Sixteen Candles" situation. (In the iconic '80s film, the protagonist's birthday is forgotten by everyone in her family.) At around 8 p.m., she hadn't heard from her 86-year-old grandmother and decided to give her a call to make sure everything was OK. When she said it was her big three-oh, her grandmother replied: "Why didn't Facebook remind me?"

Ms. Chandrashekar no longer receives Facebook's reminders either. "I have forgotten a ton of my friends' birthdays," she said.

In 2017, Facebook reported that more than 45 million people wished others happy birthday every day via the social network. Facebook said it didn't have an updated statistic.

Some have thought ahead before packing up and sailing away from Mark Zuckerberg's social network. Before deleting the Facebook app from her phone, Emma Gannon, 29, a podcaster living in London, grabbed an 80-page notebook with pink grapefruits on the cover from her desk. Over the next two hours, with Facebook's birthdays page open on her phone, she copied down 50 to 75 names and birth dates. She created a real face book.

"I'm sure the act of writing them down means they were going further into my brain somehow, too," said Ms. Gannon. Now, before the start of every month, she glances at the notebook and sends out actual birthday cards in the actual mail.

Madison Miller, 23, did something similar. After writing down 20-something birthdays from her Facebook account, she had them printed in a $30 custom 2019 calendar featuring photos of her dogs.

Ms. Miller, who lives in Atlanta and starts law school in August, consciously only took the dates of the people most important to her. "It always struck me as weird that all these random people wish you a happy birthday on Facebook. Like, I don't talk to you the other 364 days of the year," she said.

Chris Brathwaite, 51, who has remained on the social network, uses Facebook's birthday notifications to cull his friends list. "One of two things is going to happen if it's your birthday on Facebook: I'm going to wish you a happy birthday or I'm going to unfriend you," he said.

In November, after becoming fed up with his Facebook feeds' incessant ads, Paul Tildsley, 35, a digital marketer from Chester, England, decided to extract the calendar data from his account and then leave the network.

"I was really only using it for birthdays," he said.

After a few tweets seeking assistance, Mr. Tildsley exported his Facebook calendar file, so that he could re-upload it to his Apple and Google calendars.

The option is only available through the Facebook website on Windows or Mac computers. It's also difficult to find. On the Events tab, look for the box that says, "You can add your events to Microsoft Outlook, Google Calendar or Apple Calendar," click "Birthdays" and the calendar file is automatically downloaded.

Katherine Klingseis, 27, had already deactivated her Facebook account when she realized she hadn't logged her best friend's birthday. She didn't like the idea of asking her friend of 15 years what day she arrived on this earth. "What kind of crappy friend does that?" she said.

She also didn't like the idea of reactivating her account, even temporarily.

She took to public records. She searched the Iowa courts database, looking for speeding tickets or parking tickets, but came up empty-handed. Finally, Ms. Klingseis, who works in telecommunication sales in Ames, Iowa, spoke to a mutual friend who was still on Facebook and had her look up her birthday. Ms. Klingseis was within five hours of missing her friend's big day. Friendship saved...by Facebook.

John Allison, a U.K.-based comic artist and writer, isn't as worried about offending his loved ones. "Just like we used to in ancient history in 2006, I'm going to walk right up to them and say, 'When is your birthday?' " he said. Mr. Allison also bought a physical notebook to record birthdays.

Mr. Allison already asked two friends, in person, for their birth dates. "I could see from the light in their eyes that I had risen in their estimation," he said.

Mr. Allison has accepted that without Facebook most of his friends won't remember his 43rd birthday this year. But not to worry, he says, he has an elaborate, radical scheme to help remind them: an invite to his birthday party.

Write to Joanna Stern at joanna.stern@wsj.com

(END) Dow Jones Newswires

January 16, 2019 10:46 ET (15:46 GMT)

Copyright (c) 2019 Dow Jones & Company, Inc.